Monday, January 30, 2012

I Hate My Teenage Daughter's Friends

I hate my teenage daughter and her friends. They are so stupid I can't stand it. I made the mistake, however, of cosigning a lease on an apartment for my daughter and her stupid friend. The apartment is off campus where may daughter attends (attended) school. When I signed the lease, it was under the condition that I am only cosigning for my daughter, not her friend. She has to have her mom cosign for her. Response from her friend, "I promise, my mom said she would cosign for me."

 Fast forward a couple of months, my daughter is failing out of college, has her tongue pierced, her lip tattooed and the apartment should be quarantined.

So I will not pay for this cesspool of an apartment anymore so the girls have to buy out their lease (two months’ rent = $2k). Fair enough, my name is on it, my credit is at risk, etc. This I found out from calling the leasing office. If they (I) buy out their lease, there are no ramifications regarding my credit, and oh, by the way, I am the only cosigner on the lease. What? I say! No that is not right. When I handed the lease over to my daughter's friend to turn in with my signature on it, she said her mom was going to sign it too. Her mom did not sign it too. This means, that I have full responsibility for the irresponsibility of these two stupid ass teenagers. Good God.

So now it is mid January. The girls have to turn in their 30-day notice and pay January's rent. No problem.

 January 1, 2012 – me: "Did you turn in your notice?"

My daughter: "No, my friend's mom wants to talk to you."

Me: "Why, there is nothing to talk about. You two are moving out."

My daughter: "I don't know."

Me: "Turn in your notice today."

January 2, 2012 – me: "Did you turn in your notice?"

My daughter: "No, my friend's mom wants to talk to you."

Me: "There is nothing to talk about. Have her call your father."

January 3, 2012 – me:  "Did you turn in your notice?"

My daughter: "No."

Me: "Do it."

My daughter: "I just called the leasing office. They will let us have until the end of day or else we have to pay February's rent."

Me: "Do you have February's rent?"

My daughter: "No"

Me: "Then I suggest you turn in your notice."

My daughter: "I have to call my friend to make sure she does it."

Phone call from the friend's mother to my husband occurred, finally. A couple of minutes later, the friend turned in her notice. Thank God. Check that off. Now the rent for January needs to be paid.

January 4, 2012 - Text from the friend, "So, I was online about to pay rent and notice you guys haven't paid yet so are we paying rent?"

Me: "Go ahead and pay rent for January then you have to be moved out by the end of the month. You have to come up with your half of two month's rent."

January 6, 2012 8:30am. – me: "I am paying rent today. Let me know when you have paid yours.”  (I didn't want to pay my half until she paid hers because if she doesn't pay it is my credit report that gets screwed up.)

Friend: "Ok"

January 6, 2012 12pm – me: "Have you paid the rent yet?"

Friend: "I have to when I get off work."

January 7, 2012 9:30am – me: "Just checking on the rent. I didn't see that you paid your half yet."

January 7, 2012 4pm – Friend: "My parents are paying it so I don't know. Ask them."

Me: "So why did you say you were paying it when you get off work? I'm confused."

Friend: "Because I was going to till I talked to my mom and dad."

Me: "Will you check on that for me then?"

Friend: "I did, they said they have been trying to call you."

Me: "Weird, no one has called my phone or my husband’s."

Friend: "Alright I'll let them know."

January 9, 2012 1pm – me: "Did you find out about the rent? Are your parents going to pay or are they going to just have you evicted?"

January 9, 2012 4pm – Friend: "I don't know anything about it, You would have to talk to them."

Me: "I am tired of trying to track down the rent. I am screwed either way. Frankly at this point I don't give a crap. It is your apartment and I thought you would take responsibility for at least finding out when the rent will be paid."

Text to my daughter from her friend: "My parents are really mad at your mom."

My daughter: "Why"

Friend: "She keeps texting me about the rent"

From friend to me: "Well I am sorry my dad lost his job and there (sic) trying to figure out money why wouldn't you call them an (sic) talk to them about it like i keep saying. you don't have to be so rude towards me i didn't do anything."

Me: "I am so not being rude. We are broke also. Times are tough all over. You, me and my daughter are on the lease, not your parents and if you ever want to be able to rent anywhere again I would suggest you take an interest."

Friend: "I am interested trust me bc i know it effects more then (sic)  just me. they told me it'll be paid they are waiting for my check to clear tomorrow morning and it'll be paid.”

Me: "You might want to call the leasing office because I think eviction proceedings have already been filed at the courthouse."

Friend: “I dont know the number"

Are you fucking kidding me?

Me: "Look it up on your iphone"

Friend: "Well I figured u had it to send it to me but I guess that's to much to ask."

Me: "I don't have it. What the hell? I have been nice to you from day one. I don't know what is going on with you."

Friend: ”I'm sorry I'm just a little upset. An I've always nice an (sic)  respectful to you." Like hell.

Friend: "They said I have until the end of the week and that you haven't paid your half either."

Yeah because I wanted to make sure you paid yours, asshole.

Friend: "It'll be paid tomorrow before two my mother told me to tell you."

January 10,2012 3:30pm – Me: "Did you pay your rent"

Friend: "It won't let me. We have to put our money together because we have a past due charge now."

Me: "You can send me a check."

Friend: "For what?"

Me: "For your half of the rent."   dummy

Friend: "So your (sic)  paying the whole thing? Are you sure?"

Me: "I won't pay it until I have your check."

Friend: "Today's the last day or we get hit with court fees."

Me: "I thought you said you had until the end of the week?"

Friend: "Nope my mom talked to them today."

Me: "I give up. I get a different story from you every day."

Friend: "That's not true at all."

Me: "Bring them a certified check and I'll have my daughter bring one tonight."

Later that day. Me: "Did you drop off your check?"

Friend: "Yes."

Thank the fucking Lord.

                I hate my teenage daughter and my teenage son.  I am tired.  I am so tired.  I am tired of the remarks and the arguments and nothing ever being good enough for these spoiled rotten kids.  My daughter thinks that she is entitled to stay out until whenever, come and go as she pleases and do whatever she wants while living under my roof even though she has failed college and has to move home.  She can’t afford to live on her own of course.  How could she?  She makes $8 an hour part time.  She HATES living here and I hear it every single flipping day.  If you hate it here so much, get the F out.  I really don’t care.  Leave your car though, it’s in my name. 

                So, at breakfast, I really just try to have a nice conversation with my teenagers.  I ask about their homework and any quizzes or tests they may have that day.  Why do I get such a mean response?  “WHAT?!”.  I get that response a lot.  Today, as I was driving my son to school because God forbid I am sheltering him from riding the bus at 6:20am every morning, and I just wanted to have a nice conversation but instead I got snips and snide remarks.  All I asked was, “Do you want me to pick you up in the upper parking lot or lower lot for swim practice?”  “Upper I said!  Why do you ask me a million times which lot to pick me up at?  Jeez!”  My feelings were actually hurt and I cried.    He didn’t see me cry because I didn’t want to seem like a baby.  “See ya.” He says as he gets out of the car.  “Fuck you.” I say under my breath after the car door shuts. 

                My daughter argues everything.  By everything, I mean every fucking thing that comes out of my mouth.  “Unload the dishwasher please while I drive your brother to practice.” 

                “Ugh!  I can’t believe you are making me unload the dishwasher again!  Why can’t he ever unload?”

                “Because you are a member of this family and you have chores and this is your job.”

                “He NEVER has to unload the dishwasher!”

                “He takes out the trash and gets you want to trade jobs with him?”


                “Fine.  Good Lord,  I just want the goddamn dishwasher unloaded.  Holy fucking Christ.”

                My teenagers bring out the worst, and I mean absolute worst, language from my mouth.  I have never cussed so much in my life.  Not even when I was a teenager myself.  I use the F word daily.  Every fucking day I say the F word.  It is the only language they can understand I have discovered.  If I say, “Do your Spanish homework.” I get no response AT ALL.  If I say, “Do your fucking Spanish homework!” I get an immediate reaction…I hear the backpack zipper open and the notebook come out.  Amazing. 

                So today I give up.  I don’t care what the hell these teenagers do.  I need a vacation from them.  I hate them so I am not going to deal with them today.  Find your own ride to practice, do your own laundry, cook your own dinner, make your own lunch.  I don’t care.

Monday, January 9, 2012

The Yelling Begins And Never Ends

My teenage daughter yelled at me for fifteen minutes this morning. How, you wonder, does that happen? Is she the boss? Is she allowed? Did I deserve it? I don’t know, no, no and hell no. My daughter is a sophomore in college, or at least should be if she didn’t fail three of her four classes last semester. She has her belly pierced, her tongue pierced, multiple piercings on her ears and she has a tattoo on the inside of her lip. Really, I did not raise a daughter to be like this. I comfort myself with the fact that at least she isn’t pregnant. Has she ever been? Hmm…don’t know for sure. She says no, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised. She is also not a druggie…at least she tells me she is not. Thankfully I have an unlimited supply of drug testing kits that I stocked up on while she was still in high school. Pure paranoia on my part.

My daughter was an honor student in high school. She graduated with a 3.5 GPA and entered the university with a 3.7 due to classes she had already taken at community college while a senior in high school. She was motivated and had plans! I wanted her to experience college life in the dorm and live on campus because I never experienced that. I worked all through college, struggled to find tuition and book money, married my husband for the health insurance (not really but it was a nice perk). I did whatever I could to get my degree. I wanted her to have a carefree experience where all she did was make awesome friends, join a sorority, thrive on campus and get good grades. Boy was I wrong on ALL levels. And this was just the beginning of my failures.

So, why did my daughter yell at me this morning? Because I hate her friends. I do. No secret. These are the friends that convinced her a tattoo was a good idea. And a tongue piercing. And not going to class. The list goes on. She is 19, and feels like she should be able to do whatever she wants. She can, if she moves out and is self sufficient. But she will not do whatever she wants while it is on my dime. So when she “told” me she was having dinner with one of her friends after work, I explained that I didn’t like that person she was going out to dinner with. Thus began my barrage of a lashing.

“Why don’t you like him? He goes to college! He’s going to be a doctor!” she exclaims.

“He’s only a sophomore in college, he’s not even pre-med yet. He just has a party that lasted three days while his parents were out of town and they didn’t know about it. He drinks and smokes.” I try to calmly tell her.

“My friends don’t drink that much and they don’t really party!” she screams.

“Your friends shouldn’t be drinking or partying at ALL! It is against the law!” I yell back.

“They’re good kids, why do you hate them?” she gets louder.

“Um, you just went to a New Year’s eve party where someone had sex in the middle of the room in front of the entire crowd who took pictures and videos!” I say back.

“Oh my god! Those aren’t even my friends!” she explains.

“Well what were you doing at a party where your not-friends were?”

“They just showed up!”

“Well you should not have been to a party like that!”

“Everyone was there!”

Oh, that explains it. Everyone was there. These aren’t her friends but they showed up to a party where there was drinking and sex and, I’m sure, drug use. But her friends are nice. Ok. Do I have STUPID stamped on my head? So I get yelled at and she stomps off in tears. Result – I didn’t get anywhere. I kind of hate her. I know she hates me. And for some reason, I don’t care. I want her to pull her head out of her butt and act like an adult or she will get treated like a child.

Here is where I failed. My mother did a great job in making me and my sisters and brother self sufficient. We did our own laundry starting at age 7 and we were NEVER handed anything without working really hard for it. I didn’t get a coveted pair of Nikes until I ran five miles with my mother. She was smart. I ended up joining the track team. I paid for college which meant I spent two years at community college. I bought my own car, which meant I paid 19% interest on my first loan. My god she was a smart woman.

With my own daughter, I thought I would help her along so she wouldn’t have to struggle. I bought her a car (two in fact), paid for her insurance, gas, gave her a gold American Express card, paid for college, gave her a cell phone, stupidly gave her everything. I thought I was doing her a favor and she would be grateful. Oh hell no. There is not a grateful bone in her body. She feels entitled. My fault.

So, when she went off to college for the start of her sophomore year, we made a deal….I would pay for college and her apartment and food as long as she was on the Dean’s list. She is so freaking far from the Dean’s list it’s not even funny. So, now, she has moved home, pays her own insurance, asks to use the car, pays her cell phone bill, is going to community college on her dime and she is paying me back for the $1500 dollars I had to spend to buy out her lease on her apartment and she has a curfew. Her response, “I hate living at home!” News flash! Get the hell out and find your own place to live! I have no problem with that! “But I have nowhere to hang out with my friends!” News flash! You are lucky to have a bedroom!

So for my 19 year old daughter who yelled at me for not liking her stupid friends this morning, be home by 9:00pm because it’s a school night!